"Debbie and the Long, Drama-Filled, Whiny, Patience-Wavering Kind of Day"

I'm 31 years old...and still, one of my very favorite books to read after a long, rough day is Judith Viorst's version of "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day".  I love to get under my plush red blanket and read this book, taking careful note of the illustrations on each page. I can so relate.  Here's my version:

"After I put the kids to bed, finished the dishes, folded the laundry, swept the floor and fed the guinea pig, I sat down to read a long awaited novel.  This luxury, however, caused me to go to  bed entirely too late. I did not hear my alarm at 5:30 and slept through my quiet time.  I awoke with a start to two little faces staring at me within inches of my nose. They are hungry. I roll out of bed and trip over a doll stroller and slip on a toy car and by mistake step on the dog.  Once in the kitchen, I spill my coffee all over the counter and both kids are making a list of things I need to do for them IMMEDIATELY . I could tell that it was going to be a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"At breakfast, Blue Bird wanted waffles.  Cave Man wanted candy. Husband wanted eggs. Dog wanted out. I simply wanted a sip of my coffee.  I gave them all cereal.  All but Husband protested.

"I think I"ll move to Hawaii.

"After breakfast I had 30 minutes to get the kids ready to leave the house.  But then, Cave Man removed his diaper and got poo all over the bathroom floor.  Blue Bird talked non-stop while I cleaned up the bathroom floor.  Cave Man refused to wear anything except his Choo-Choo train pajamas and Blue Bird refused to wear anything that was not a costume.  I did not have time to change my shirt but did manage to pull on some jeans. Neither kid would brush their teeth. Blue Bird cried about injustices while I brushed her hair and Cave Man ran through the house with a roll of toilet paper streaming behind him.   I left the house 45 minutes later, with Spider Girl and Pajama Boy by my side. Where did I put that cup of coffee?

"I could tell it was going to be a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day. At least I had enough time to put soup into the crock pot for dinner.

"At playgroup, everyones kids looked clean and groomed. I noticed that other mothers had neat hair styles and remembered that I forgot to brush my teeth. Children played all around us. My two kids clung to me like a life preserver.  'Go play!' I told them. 'Go see your friends. Climb up the slide.' I said.  But they only wanted to sit on my lap.

"Other mothers brought healthy and fun snacks like cheese and crackers and gold fish.  Guess who only packed juice.  Children  all over the play ground ate one crumbly cracker after another. Guess whose kids were singled out by the custodian and forced to take their juice outside the play area.

"I could tell it was going to be long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"I could tell because after play group I took the kids to Wal-Mart to buy only a few groceries. Both kids were sitting in the cart and could not keep from touching each other. Cave Man refused to sit on his bum. Blue Bird would not stop whining.  Each child began to pick at one another until I lost my cool and leaned in very closely to whisper threats that would scare an Army General. 'If you don't stop touching one another...if you don't stop whining...if you don't sit down right now...you will lose every single toy you've ever owned once we get home.

"I ended up leaving the store with 0 items on my list and 5 other items extra.

"'I hope you grow up to have 5 kids each just like you' I grumbled. "I hope you each have to fly in an airplane with all 5 kids to visit me in Hawaii."

"We stopped at McDonald's for lunch.  I bought the kids happy meals but they were out of the super hero toys so the kids had to settle for 3 and under toys. They were out of hazelnut flavoring so I had to have my iced coffee plain. I hate plain iced coffee. 'I'll bet they have hazelnut in Hawaii' I told the drive-thru worker.

"It was a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"I had one more stop to make before heading home but both kids were melting down as I drove so I decided it could wait. I was eager to get home so that I could put the kids to bed for a nice long nap. I day- dreamed all the way home about getting to take a nap myself.  But both kids fell asleep in the car and even though I was SO careful not to wake them and they were fast asleep as I carried them into the house, their eyes sprang open as soon as their precious little heads hit the pillow. A 15 minute nap in the car is not fair for anyone. It only gives enough rest to aggravate. I wonder if people in Hawaii nap?

"We tried to play outside but Blue Bird got bit by a bug and cried.  Cave Man wanted every toy that Blue Bird held and then cried. And of course it started to rain. Inside the house, I tried to get creative. But Cave Man ate the play dough.  I thought we could play with the dog, but Sophie would not sit still long enough for Blue Bird to play salon or for Cave Man to ride her like a horse. After Cave Man bit the dog, Sophie begged to go outside...even in the rain. I do not blame her. I wanted to go too!

"'I am having a  long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day' I said.  No one even heard me.

"At dinner I realized the crock pot had been unplugged. The soup was not cooked. I poured it into a pot and set it on the stove. I turned on the water and began to fill the sink for dishes. The kids began arguing over which dvd to watch. I go to the living room to practice conflict resolution. I return to the kitchen to find the sink over flowing with sudsy water and the pot of soup burning on the stove.

"It would have been a great night for pizza. But we are on a tight budget so burned soup was the meal for the evening. Both kids complained and ate very little. I ate very little too. For once, their complaints were well founded.

"I got soap in Blue Bird's eyes at bath time and even while she was still crying, Cave Man bit her arm. Blue Bird wanted nothing to do with the water for the rest of bath time and Cave Man had to be pulled from the tub kicking and screaming. A wiggly, wet child is difficult to contain. I left the bathroom drenched.

"'I think I'll move to Hawaii' I say to Husband as I pass him in the hall.

"At bedtime, they both want water. Blue Bird has to use the bathroom...AGAIN! The stories are too short and the prayer time too long.  They want me to sing songs that I do not even know.  The night lights have low batteries and we are out of AAA's.  I kiss them both goodnight and head for the couch.

"It has been  a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"Husband says some days are like that. 

"Even in Hawaii."


***End Note: It's true that some days are "just like that" for every parent.  This was meant to be a funny exaggeration of a typical day.  But I have to admit, even after a long, hard day...nothing gives me more pleasure than hearing my kids say, "I love you, Mommy." just before bed. I am blessed!