Remember His Goodness

" It will not seem as dramatic as a miracle
It will likely go unnoticed by others
But it will be a profound change in a restless heart
It will be a soothing oil to an open wound known only to 
You and me."  ~Interludes, Michael J. Easley


This is a story of how God provided a new-to-us van.  But it is not just a story about getting a great deal on a vehicle. It's  a story about how a restless, fretful heart learned to trust and become content.

A year ago, I began praying fervently for a new van.  I was 7-ish months pregnant with our 3rd little darling and I was quite sure that our  trendy little SUV would not carry all 3 children in the back seat. In fact, I had measured each of the 3 car seats and measured our backseat and there was no way all 3 seats would fit, not to mention they needed to buckle as well.

So I prayed, confident that God would hook us up with a cool new van!
nothing.

So I prayed more, and I enlisted friends to pray with me.
nothing.

So I prayed and quoted scripture.
nothing.

Even Caedmon began praying for a van. Daily. Everyday that little boy prayed, "Thank you for our food, and we need a van." 

And then I became extremely frustrated with my "lack of answer" to my (and Caedmon's) prayers.  I began to doubt that God even heard me. I went though a period of time when I started to distrust Him, thinking things like "If I can't trust Him to answer little prayers like helping us find a van, then how could I ever trust Him with the big things?"

Then my baby was born and I panicked. What would we do?  Certainly, I would be home bound with 3 children.  Then my amazing husband found 2 car seats and a booster that were smaller and would fit with one inch to spare in the back seat.

At that point, my husband began doing something extraordinary.  He began to praise and practice thankfulness.  He started saying things like, "I'm thankful that all 3 kids will fit in the car."  And I began to follow his lead in this. Each time that I felt frustrated about having to lift the baby seat over another child and then get my hand trapped while trying to fasten the booster seat belt, I would say out loud "I'm thankful that we can all ride together in this car. God provided the wisdom to find just the right seats."
 
Before long, I began to experience contentment with our car. My desire for having a new van began to fade.  No longer did I experience jealousy with every new car photo on facebook.  We had what we needed and I was satisfied.

As my awareness of discontentment and purposeful praise grew, I began to recognize other areas of dissatisfaction and a need for thankfulness. On nights when I would fall into bed ready to cry myself to sleep, my husband would hold me tight and start naming things for which he was thankful. Then he'd make me do the same.

 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8

This verse isn't just a way to paint rainbows and sun shines in the world.  It's a prescription to joy for believers.  It's a practical way to change despair into hope.

And it was good. I could feel a change in my heart and my mind.

A drastic change in a restless heart that would likely go unnoticed by others. 

******

A year later we have been quite happy with our vehicle circumstances.  Our car always seemed to be experiencing weird sounds and hesitations.  So we named it Lucky because we felt very lucky if  "he" made it from point A to point B. But we were content with Lucky. We'd laugh it off each time we bounced out of the driveway.

And then one day Lucky almost didn't make it.

I was driving the 25 minute commute from Abby's co-op to home and 5 mins from home, Lucky began screaming at me and then lost all power. I pulled off the road. Both boys were asleep.  Abby and I prayed!  We also thanked God for His timing.  We thanked Him that we were so close to home.  Walking a couple of miles home is far better than being stranded in Lynchburg 25 mins away!

And Lucky started and slowly inched home.  That was the last time I drove Lucky.

PJ could get Lucky to start and drive him...but PJ is a better man than me.  I didn't have the nerves for it any more. 

I could feel that discontentment rising up in me again. I'm not going to lie. I was nervous. I cried...a lot. I even for a moment got mad at God and asked Him "What could you possibly have me to learn through this again?  Didn't I give it to you before?  Didn't we already learn this lesson?"

But I didn't want to dwell there. I have in the last 6 months experienced God's profound faithfulness in ways which will never allow me to doubt his "realness" and concern for me ever again.  He literally has turned "nothing" into "enough" for us.

So this time, I began to pray differently out of a changed heart.  Rather than simply taking my need to God and basically saying "do this", I put aside what I thought best and I prayed for trust and wisdom.

Rather than saying, "We need it. Do it."  I said, "You know our needs. I trust you."
 
This was truly a test of trust in God's provision.  A couple of  weeks before the car died, we received our income tax. What a blessing this was!  It was more than we expected.  We prayed and asked God for wisdom in how to spend the money.  We both felt strongly that, after tithe, the rest should go towards bills.  So we paid off several lingering bills and felt so content.  

"But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." James 1:6

And then Lucky got sick.

The temptation was definitely to doubt that we made a wise choice. We could have easily gotten a nice van with that income tax.  BUT it does no good to doubt when you have prayed for wisdom.  We had to believe that He had given us that wisdom in the moment and that He must have something else to teach us from this experience.

PJ and I began searching Craigslist, used car lots, Facebook yard sales. Hours and days we spent searching for a vehicle all the while praying for wisdom and discernment.

Every deal failed.  One owner backed out of the sale at the last minute.  3 others sold before we could get to them. 2 vans just didn't "feel" right.  Sellers who had posted that same day would not return our calls or emails.

*****

Sunday afternoon, Caedmon woke up from his nap and his first words to me were urgent. "We need a van."
So I asked him if he wanted to pray together for one.
This little boy has been praying faithfully for a year for a van for our family.  On Sunday he prayed a simple prayer, "We need a van today and thank you for my food."

I was moved and a little worried about such a bold prayer of getting the van TODAY.
So I prayed, "God you know our needs. Please provide a van for us, this WEEK."  I wanted to follow Caed's boldness but thought I'd give God a little more time to work than 24 hours.

At this point, it seemed like an impossibility.  We only had $1200 to spend on a car.  Maybe $1300 if we stretched ourselves.  That night, PJ and I prayed and we added it to our "Impossible List" hanging on the fridge. We finally had a joined peace about it. We spent the evening and the next day telling each other of the things that we have learned from this experience.  We talked about the areas we have grown: trust, assurance, faith, perseverance, contentment, patience. It is good to remind each other of His faithfulness!

The next day, Monday, Abby had co-op class which meant that PJ would have to drive her since I couldn't get the car started.  I was going to stay home with the boys and let PJ and Abby go alone. At the last minute I decided to go and keep PJ company.

The car was louder and smokier than usual. On the way, we passed a van for sale. Since a parent has to be present at the co-op while a child is in class, we decided that I would stay while PJ went to check out the van.  Again, it was out of our price range.

A cold, rainy day and still no van. We were pretty bummed.   On his way back to the co-op, he passed a tiny little car lot C & C Motors with one blue van in the lot.  He stopped and asked about it and explained the condition of our car's engine.  The dealer said that he would accept our offer of $1200 and would be willing to take a risk on our car!
 

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

On the way over to pick up the van, Caedmon, who knew nothing except that it was a van, said, "I hope it's blue."

My dear boy of faithful prayer!  God provided your van...and even provided a blue one!

*******

I look back over the second half of this story and see God's hand leading us in wisdom and discernment every step of the way.  This van we have is not perfect...but it is perfect for us.  It is the van we have prayed over for a year.  It is the one, above all others, that God cleared the path for us to obtain.  I love to see Him in the details. 

My trust has deepened.  He is good. He is faithful.  He is real!

Not as dramatic as a miracle...but soothing oil to this heart of mine!

*****
Abby was really sad to see Lucky go. She was quite attached to him.  So we prayed over Lucky, dedicating him for the next family to own him.  We prayed that he would be fixed and provide many more years of travel.

We tossed around a few names for the new van. Joy. Faith. Hope. The kids settled on "Chara" (pronounced "Car-ah")  which means "Joy".  Our joy is not in the van, but in the God who led us to and provided a way to have this van.  So introducing Chara the Van!  Remember His Goodness!