Maybe I Knew...

I have always said that I knew in that ONE moment while in Chicago. It could have been the perfect script for a movie.  I was stranded. PJ came to my rescue.  I was in total denial of my feelings for him until a flirty girl entered the scene. She waltzed onto my territory and I felt crazy jealous.  I had known him much longer and I knew him WAY better than she ever would. I may have been a little rude to her that evening.

That was a strange new emotion for me. Or, perhaps it was simply my heart finally acknowledging what my head had been noting for years: I wanted to marry PJ Campbell.

Today we celebrate our 13th Wedding Anniversary.  As I reflect on this beautiful life together, I am remembering all the little moments that we have shared during these 24 years of friendship. And I am increasingly more grateful for the man that I get to call my husband.  I remember thinking one time that I have witnessed the deep-rooted character of PJ and that he would make an excellent husband because he is trust worthy.  I wanted to have a husband like that someday.  In the back of my mind, he became my standard.

So when did I know?

Maybe I knew, as a young middle schooler,  at Camp Cowen as I watched him soak up the teaching during the outdoor chapels and sing around the campfire.  He was growing in knowledge and wisdom, and learning to worship our God.

Maybe it was as he played "Dick Clark" during the 7th and 8th grade Chorus concert.  He had such a fun-loving personality. The crowd adored him!

Maybe I knew, in high school, as I watched this guy cross clique barriers and befriend people from every group.  He wasn't swayed by labels of "cool" or "uncool".  He liked people for who they were.

Perhaps I knew over lunch as I watched him day after day lovingly serve other people in small ways: throwing away trash, inviting others to join him, walking away from gossip, and speaking encouraging words.

I probably knew after years of watching him be the first to say he was sorry and being quick to forgive others.

Maybe I knew on our high school mission trip when he didn't want to barter during our souvenir shopping break because we were there to serve the people of Mexico, not take advantage of them.

I'm sure I knew that Sunday night when I stood up and sang a duet with my dad in front of the entire church...and did a terrible job.  I was so embarrassed.  While others practiced the old adage, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all," PJ said the nice things and made me feel like a superstar.

I must have known as I watched him lead my youth group in worship every week.  Who doesn't love a guitar playing, worship singing, youth group guy? :)

Maybe my heart was beginning to understand when this West Virginia boy took a risk and packed up everything to move to Chicago because God was calling him there. He was willing to trust God with the details.

Maybe it was starting to make sense when I followed the trail to Chicago a year later. It helped knowing that a friend was close by.

Perhaps I knew it that time I  was to drive to Chicago alone in my car for the first time and he offered to let me follow him so that I wouldn't really be alone. He was willing to lay down his own agenda for the sake of my needs.

Or maybe it was when he got off the highway to head to downtown Chicago and I felt like sobbing as I drove on to Wheaton. I missed him already.  Our friendship was deep.

It must have been clear to me during those late night theology talks and shared pots of coffee at The Pancake House.  He wanted to know my perspective and he took me seriously.

I'm sure I knew it in that drive back to Wheaton after a day in the city, when he challenged my thinking on tough issues.  Why couldn't he just agree with me? He was willing to love me well by speaking truth, even when it wasn't received with grace.

Perhaps it was years of watching him choose to do the right thing, simply because it was the right thing to do.  I loved his integrity.

I'm absolutely sure that I must have known I loved him on that terribly lonely day at Wheaton when he showed up just to have lunch with me.  I rushed to hug him, and his arms felt like home.  Yes, I think that was the really the moment I knew that I loved this man.  It all made sense. I had known it all along.

PJ gave me this necklace just before I set off to leave for mission work with the Center for Student Missions. I was 18 years old. He wore it everyday. I'm not exactly sure as to why he gave it to me. Maybe a token of friendship. Maybe a beacon of truth or a reminder of home.  Honestly, the details are a bit fuzzy for me after all these years.  But this I know, I have kept it with me for 18 years and it still brings a smile to my face as I remember the gift that I have in my dear friend and excellent husband.