It All Comes Back To Bacon

The kids are learning about the Pilgrims and the Iroquois in history.  So, of course, all pretend play currently revolves around the things they have been learning. Today on our morning walk they decided to take their toy bows and "hunt" animals for our dinner.

I always say that Abby is my "Caedmon Translator" because I often have a hard time understanding what he is saying.  He has trouble with certain letter sounds (especially the "R" sound) and Abby is really good at deciphering his words. However, even this one was tough for her. 

This is how my conversation went with Caedmon:

C:  I just shot a wall bird!

Me: A wall bird?

C:  No. A wall bird.

Me: A Robin?

C: NO!  A WALL bird.

Abby: Oh. I know!  A ROB-ber?

C: NOOOO.  A WAAALLL bird.

Me: A wall bird? Like, a bird on a wall?

C: NOOO MOMMY!  A WALL BIRD...you know, like BACON!

Me: Ooooh!  A RAW bird. 
C: Yeah...you know it is wall before we cook it!

So, the next time  you eat bacon...remember the wall birds!!

Happy Father's Day

I have a confession to make.  I don't like buying cards.  When looking for the perfect card, I will spend an hour in the card section pouring over every. single. one. which fits my occasion.  Then, I will spend approximately 21 minutes analyzing my top 3 choices.

Is it manly (or feminine) enough?
Is it too cheesy?
Will he (or she) understand the joke?
I like the picture on this one, but the words are better in that one.

 Once I'm finally to the point of sweating, fussing, and over-analyzing... frazzled to no end, I will pick a card.  Or...if I simply can't decide between 2, I will buy both.

 I justify that our relationship is so multifaceted that one card simply cannot sum up what the person means to me.  Then I turn the cards around only to discover that they are  $5.93!  EACH! GAH!  But by that point, I've already committed half of my day picking out the right card(s).

I have another confession to make. I'm cheap.  I would much rather spend an extra $6.00 (or $12.00) on a gift for someone than on decorative paper.

I especially hate buying cards for my husband or my kids because after finding the perfect card(s), then I alone am responsible for finding the perfect place to STORE the perfect $6.00 card.

This year for Father's Day, I took a different approach.  I took my husband to Target and after picking out my favorite 2 cards, I handed them to him to read.  After the warm and fuzzies, I smiled and said "Happy Father's Day!  Those are your cards!" Then I took his picture with his cards to memorialize the moment. And, I put them back on the shelf.

Husband felt loved and was able to enjoy a funny card and a beautiful, serious card.
I didn't have to spend $12.00 to achieve his sense of feeling loved.
I found the perfect place to store the perfect cards!
And, without the burden of committing to $12.00 cards, choosing the perfect cards took less than 10 minutes!

Happy Father's Day! 

Local Woman Declares Dentist Appointment: Most Stressful EVER!

This just in!  Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty).

Lynchburg, VA--The day started out as any other as local woman, Mrs. N. Shambles, loaded up her young, home schooled children for a fun and exciting field trip to see Dr. Fun, the family's dentist.  The children: Drama D. Queen (5 years old) and L. McQueen (2 years old) hadn't been off the farm since their weekly trip to church on Sunday, so they were said to be very "keyed up" by the experience.

Upon arrival to Dr. Fun's office, N. Shambles was said to have her son, L. McQueen, strapped into a stroller due to his deep belief that he is, in fact, a real race car and will run at high speeds and in circles when allowed to roam free.  Unfortunately for the local population, L. McQueen quickly discovered how to manipulate and disassemble the said stroller, setting himself free.  Miss Shambles was further left defenseless because she forgot to bring the "tire taming treats" along with her.  L. McQueen is known to sit still for the duration of a cup of gram cracker snacks. Unfortunately, those treats were sitting on the kitchen counter next to the door.

Dr. Fun's office is fully equipped with toys and books galore in an area set apart from the rest of the public in ensure that wild children will be entertained.  But apparently, some grown-ups believe the toys are for nervous adult patients so L. McQueen and D. Queen were forced to share the play space with <gasp> grown-ups.  However, children and adults were said to have played nicely together with exception of one woman who left to use her cell phone to make an anonymous call.

Miss Patience, the hygienist, came to retrieve N. Shambles and her two children from the play area.  With a smile, she reports telling N. Shambles that it will be fine to have both children in the room with her.

A pleasant field trip quickly turned sour as L. McQueen began revving his engines and speeding around the room.  Once in the chair, N. Shambles lost all control.  L. McQueen is reported to have discovered "by accident" that the big gray pad on the floor with the arrows, controls the dental chair holding his mother.  The first time he caused his mother's chair to lower startled him.  The second, third and fourth times were believed to be pure entertainment. Only after L. McQueen lowered his mother's head to the point that she was nearly upside down did Miss Patience step in, telling L. McQueen, that "Mommy is going to be standing on her head!"  This only served as incentive to L. McQueen. And in his hast to see mommy on her head, he discovered the power switch controlling the dental tools by hopping onto the electrical box. More than once Miss Patience had to ask D. Queen to flip the switch so that her tools could have power.

Not to be outdone by her younger brother, D. Queen decided to finally turn on some magic of her own.  Dutifully, she began directing her younger brother...some reported this as coming across as "extreme bossiness".  No one really knows what happened next as words began to fly: "Don't touch me!" "No don't touch me!"  "Mommy, he's touching me." "No I not!"  Ending with D. Queens wild tears as she held her face claiming the race car child had pinched her before speeding off.

N. Shambles reports feeling totally helpless as Miss Patience had 2 tools and hands in her mouth leaving her unable to respond verbally, and unable to respond physically as she lay in the chair with her 8 month pregnant belly and feet high in the air.

Eventually, L. McQueen sped close enough to N. Shambles arms that she was able to latch onto him with what may be described as a death grip. L. McQueen quickly turned on the charm and began licking N. Shambles entire arm.  This was quite preferable to the licking of the lamp stand which occurred later in the visit.

At this point, all seemed to be quiet and manageable until Miss Patience pricked N. Shambles gums and she began to bleed.  This was too much for D. Queen who began to hide her eyes and whine loudly about not wanting to sit in the chair next. She was deemed inconsolable.

Shambles was delighted to be free from her captivity in the dental chair if for no other reason than to hold L. McQueen down until he ran out of gas.  However, D. Queen absolutely refused to sit in the chair because of her deep fear of pain.  She began to wail and sob so loudly that doctors and nurses came from other rooms to witness what was assumed to have been pulling of teeth without novacane. Miss Patience stood back saying, "I haven't done anything!  She hasn't even sat down yet!"  N. Shambles decided to let loose of L. McQueen in effort to subdue D. Queen.  L. McQueen wasted no time with his new freedom exploring all the example toothbrushes on the counter.

After prying open D. Queen's tiny, strong little mouth, N. Shambles and Miss Patience were able to successfully polish D. Queen's teeth with strawberry toothpaste.  The best part of the experience for D. Queen was the suction straw which she then refused to let loose of and had to be forced to open her mouth.

Dr. Fun, who is apparently a "Child-Whisperer" in his spare time wasted not a moment in calming the children.  With his bright peach shirt and rainbow colored bow-tie, he immediately had D. Queen in a fit of giggles and even L. McQueen slowed his pace long enough to offer a view of his own teeth to Dr. Fun.  N. Shambles would have hugged Dr. Fun had she not been hunkered down in the corner twitching from exhaustion.  Dr. Fun reports that all parties involved had healthy teeth and gums and that the children were even offered new tooth brushes and toys from the treasure box  as motivation to get them out sooner   because they were so well behaved.

N. Shambles was said to be mumbling to herself as she left the building.  One eye witness reports hearing, "never again. never again. never...never...never..."

We are, however, happy to report that Mrs. N Shambles and children returned home to the farm safely.  N. Shambles found comfort in a homemade fruit smoothie and the children were fed a healthy snack as well. There are slight complications in N. Shambles well-being which are due to the mental fog in which she finds herself.  For example, she reportedly did not twist the bottom of the blender tightly enough allowing fruit smoothie to ooze into the motor of the blender creating a stench of smoke.  Later, N. Shambles reports smoothie falling out of her cup splattering purple smoothie gunk onto the side of D. Queens face.  Both females were said to be laughing hysterically. Perhaps to keep from crying. L. McQueen ended our interview with these final words "But that's okay!"

A Clean House Starts with a Clean Kitchen

Ever have one of those days when you just NEED some alone time?! Desperately you will sacrifice anything for 10 minutes of peace to get your thoughts together. That was me this morning. I woke up way too sleepy to answer all the questions, track with all the pretend play, or deal with life, basically. Even coffee didn't help.

On top of that, I felt restless. Endlessly restless. Full of a sense of expectation unfulfilled. Full of uncertainty. I needed to spend some time with the Lord. Pour out my heart. Read His word. Fill up on His Spirit.

So I left the kids in the kitchen to play with water in the sink. I knew that I would have water to clean up afterwards, but it didn't matter. I needed to be away for a few minutes.  They were quietly playing, not fighting, sharing.  I even heard giggling.

I had a wonderful time in God's presence. I finished up by thanking Him for my kids.

I'm SO glad that I spent that time with the Lord because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to handle what I found in the kitchen.

The picture does not even come close to fully capturing my kitchen. Yes. That IS a sprayer in Abby's hands. Abby and Caed found a new way to shower...the sink sprayer. EVERYTHING was soaked. I walked in to find Abby spraying down the walls. Yep, that cake? Wet. The table? Dripping. The floor? Puddled. The stove, the trash can, the crock pot, the notepad, my neighbor's mail that was wrongly delivered yesterday: WET!

It was God's grace covering my children in that moment. I simply asked them if they had fun and they simultaneously squealed out "Yeah!!!"

Then we got out the towels and dried, dried, dried.  At least my kitchen is clean now!

A Man Healed of Leopard Seed!

I just love the things my kids are learning at church. The teachers at Blue Ridge are awesome and I love how much they love my kids!  It is funny to me, though, the way kids process information. Today Abby has been telling me all about her Bible story from Sunday. It comes from 2 Kings 5:1-15.

Naaman was an army commander who was very brave, but had the terrible skin disease called leprosy.

This is how Abby told the story.
"Elisha told a  little servant girl to tell the man to go wash in the river 7 times. When he did he was healed of Leopards Seed."

Holding back my laughter, with as much seriousness as I could muster I asked her what Leopards Seed is.
 
"It's when you have spots all over your skin like a leopard."   :)

The Creation Story According to Caedmon

Today at Blue Ridge Community Church, the two year olds learned that God created water. They made a cute little craft to remind them of this truth: a Ziploc baggie with blue toothpaste and "God made water" written on the front. Caedmon has played with and squished his "water" all afternoon.

To follow up on his lesson today, we sat down before bedtime and read the creation story aloud from The Beginners Bible. I let Caed fill in some of the blanks. It went like this:

Me: "In the beginning, the world was empty. Darkness was everywhere. But God had a plan. God separated the light from the darkness. 'Let there be light!' he said. And the light turned on. He called the light 'day'. And he called the darkness 'night.'  This was the end of the very first day."

<The following page includes a lovely picture of the ocean waters and fluffy white clouds in the blue sky.>

Me:  "And the next day, Caed, God made what?"

Caedmon: (with full enthusiasm as he throws his arms into the air)  "BISCUITS!"

<The next page is of a beautiful garden full of brightly colored flowers and trees>

Me: "And what did God make the next day, Caed?"

Caedmon: "SAUSAGE!"

I was really enjoying this, so I continued into the story of Adam and Eve.  I read: "Adam loved his new home. His job was to name all the animals" and then added: "Caed, if you had to name all the animals, what you would name them?"

He pointed to a butterfly and named it "Neigh." A toucan was named "Burred."  And a rabbit was officially named, "Daddy."

There you have it...the creation story from a two year old's perspective!

"Debbie and the Long, Drama-Filled, Whiny, Patience-Wavering Kind of Day"

I'm 31 years old...and still, one of my very favorite books to read after a long, rough day is Judith Viorst's version of "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day".  I love to get under my plush red blanket and read this book, taking careful note of the illustrations on each page. I can so relate.  Here's my version:

"After I put the kids to bed, finished the dishes, folded the laundry, swept the floor and fed the guinea pig, I sat down to read a long awaited novel.  This luxury, however, caused me to go to  bed entirely too late. I did not hear my alarm at 5:30 and slept through my quiet time.  I awoke with a start to two little faces staring at me within inches of my nose. They are hungry. I roll out of bed and trip over a doll stroller and slip on a toy car and by mistake step on the dog.  Once in the kitchen, I spill my coffee all over the counter and both kids are making a list of things I need to do for them IMMEDIATELY . I could tell that it was going to be a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"At breakfast, Blue Bird wanted waffles.  Cave Man wanted candy. Husband wanted eggs. Dog wanted out. I simply wanted a sip of my coffee.  I gave them all cereal.  All but Husband protested.

"I think I"ll move to Hawaii.

"After breakfast I had 30 minutes to get the kids ready to leave the house.  But then, Cave Man removed his diaper and got poo all over the bathroom floor.  Blue Bird talked non-stop while I cleaned up the bathroom floor.  Cave Man refused to wear anything except his Choo-Choo train pajamas and Blue Bird refused to wear anything that was not a costume.  I did not have time to change my shirt but did manage to pull on some jeans. Neither kid would brush their teeth. Blue Bird cried about injustices while I brushed her hair and Cave Man ran through the house with a roll of toilet paper streaming behind him.   I left the house 45 minutes later, with Spider Girl and Pajama Boy by my side. Where did I put that cup of coffee?

"I could tell it was going to be a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day. At least I had enough time to put soup into the crock pot for dinner.

"At playgroup, everyones kids looked clean and groomed. I noticed that other mothers had neat hair styles and remembered that I forgot to brush my teeth. Children played all around us. My two kids clung to me like a life preserver.  'Go play!' I told them. 'Go see your friends. Climb up the slide.' I said.  But they only wanted to sit on my lap.

"Other mothers brought healthy and fun snacks like cheese and crackers and gold fish.  Guess who only packed juice.  Children  all over the play ground ate one crumbly cracker after another. Guess whose kids were singled out by the custodian and forced to take their juice outside the play area.

"I could tell it was going to be long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"I could tell because after play group I took the kids to Wal-Mart to buy only a few groceries. Both kids were sitting in the cart and could not keep from touching each other. Cave Man refused to sit on his bum. Blue Bird would not stop whining.  Each child began to pick at one another until I lost my cool and leaned in very closely to whisper threats that would scare an Army General. 'If you don't stop touching one another...if you don't stop whining...if you don't sit down right now...you will lose every single toy you've ever owned once we get home.

"I ended up leaving the store with 0 items on my list and 5 other items extra.

"'I hope you grow up to have 5 kids each just like you' I grumbled. "I hope you each have to fly in an airplane with all 5 kids to visit me in Hawaii."

"We stopped at McDonald's for lunch.  I bought the kids happy meals but they were out of the super hero toys so the kids had to settle for 3 and under toys. They were out of hazelnut flavoring so I had to have my iced coffee plain. I hate plain iced coffee. 'I'll bet they have hazelnut in Hawaii' I told the drive-thru worker.

"It was a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"I had one more stop to make before heading home but both kids were melting down as I drove so I decided it could wait. I was eager to get home so that I could put the kids to bed for a nice long nap. I day- dreamed all the way home about getting to take a nap myself.  But both kids fell asleep in the car and even though I was SO careful not to wake them and they were fast asleep as I carried them into the house, their eyes sprang open as soon as their precious little heads hit the pillow. A 15 minute nap in the car is not fair for anyone. It only gives enough rest to aggravate. I wonder if people in Hawaii nap?

"We tried to play outside but Blue Bird got bit by a bug and cried.  Cave Man wanted every toy that Blue Bird held and then cried. And of course it started to rain. Inside the house, I tried to get creative. But Cave Man ate the play dough.  I thought we could play with the dog, but Sophie would not sit still long enough for Blue Bird to play salon or for Cave Man to ride her like a horse. After Cave Man bit the dog, Sophie begged to go outside...even in the rain. I do not blame her. I wanted to go too!

"'I am having a  long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day' I said.  No one even heard me.

"At dinner I realized the crock pot had been unplugged. The soup was not cooked. I poured it into a pot and set it on the stove. I turned on the water and began to fill the sink for dishes. The kids began arguing over which dvd to watch. I go to the living room to practice conflict resolution. I return to the kitchen to find the sink over flowing with sudsy water and the pot of soup burning on the stove.

"It would have been a great night for pizza. But we are on a tight budget so burned soup was the meal for the evening. Both kids complained and ate very little. I ate very little too. For once, their complaints were well founded.

"I got soap in Blue Bird's eyes at bath time and even while she was still crying, Cave Man bit her arm. Blue Bird wanted nothing to do with the water for the rest of bath time and Cave Man had to be pulled from the tub kicking and screaming. A wiggly, wet child is difficult to contain. I left the bathroom drenched.

"'I think I'll move to Hawaii' I say to Husband as I pass him in the hall.

"At bedtime, they both want water. Blue Bird has to use the bathroom...AGAIN! The stories are too short and the prayer time too long.  They want me to sing songs that I do not even know.  The night lights have low batteries and we are out of AAA's.  I kiss them both goodnight and head for the couch.

"It has been  a long, drama-filled, whiny, patience-wavering kind of day.

"Husband says some days are like that. 

"Even in Hawaii."


***End Note: It's true that some days are "just like that" for every parent.  This was meant to be a funny exaggeration of a typical day.  But I have to admit, even after a long, hard day...nothing gives me more pleasure than hearing my kids say, "I love you, Mommy." just before bed. I am blessed!

Cows and Guinea Pigs

What a day! It started out with the shower breaking. The cold water would not turn off. Then, in the rush to get two kids and two adults and a dog out the door (the dog needed to use the bathroom) in time for church, our neighbor with whom we've been trying to build a relationship, came over spontaneously to chat. (That was really cool and something that I've been praying about!)

So we finally deposit the dog back into the house and buckle two very hyper kids into car seats and head to church...we were sitting just above empty on the gas tank, but didn't have time to stop...so we prayed the gas would carry us through.  The gas light comes on when the car has 17 miles (or so) left before running out...how many miles is it to church??

As we were zooming along (quite above the speed limit) a lady passes us waving her arm and blinking her lights. We slowed down not quite knowing what to expect.  NEVER did we imagine to come upon this:

Two little calves making their way up the road. (I couldn't help but think of the Shawn the Sheep episode when the sheep leave the farm to go get pizza in the city).  The most funny part for me was trying to pass these beauties.  Each time we'd try to pass they would herd in front of us.  Almost like we were some kind of sheep dog to them. They kept looking back at us and mooing.  Finally we made it to church.  I have to say, this was the most eventful trip we've taken in awhile! (Oh and PJ made it to the gas station as well!)

In other news, we have a new pet!  Abby has been wanting a guinea pig for several months.  The girl LOVES animals.  Even as a baby, she never wanted dolls. She always wanted stuffed animals to care for. So we began preparing her for a pet of her very own. We made up a sticker chart of  "responsibilities". There are some things that we simply expect from her as her contribution to family life such as picking up her clothes and putting them in the hamper.  But then there are other things that we consider "extras" like feeding the dog, getting the silverware out of the drawer for meals, putting the dishes in the sink after meals and helping her brother do things. Abby has really taken off of this new taking responsibility thing. She has done everything on her chart consistently for well over two months. I even came into the kitchen to find her mopping up water that Caed spilled on the floor!! WOW!  This is not to say that we she does it perfectly or without the occasional drama attached...but for a 4 year old, I've been really impressed! 

Abby has even done research on guinea pigs. She wanted to get some books about them at the library and we read them over and over. We took several trips to PetSmart to look at and touch the furry critters.  I have to admit, I was proud when she started telling the PetSmart worker all she knew about handling and feeding a guinea pig!

We were planning to wait until summer to buy the guinea pig, but they (and all the supplies) were on sale this weekend, and Abby has been doing such a great job that we didn't see the sense in making her wait just for the sake of waiting.  And so, "Keat" has joined the Campbell clan!

"Keat" is the name of Abby's favorite male character from an 80's cartoon "Voltron". Abby and her Daddy enjoy Voltron together. At first, she was confused and thinking "he" was a "she", Keat was almost named "Princess Grace". But once Abby realized he was a "he", Keat seemed a more fitting name!

Love at first sight!

I have a feeling that we are about to embark on a whole new set of adventures!

(As a side note, the PetSmart girl that helped us choose our guinea pig, supplies, etc admitted that she is, in fact, allergic to guinea pigs (and alluded to an allergy of cats as well)  Soooo...why does she work at PetSmart?)