Lynchburg, VA--The day started out as any other as local woman, Mrs. N. Shambles, loaded up her young, home schooled children for a fun and exciting field trip to see Dr. Fun, the family's dentist. The children:
Upon arrival to Dr. Fun's office, N. Shambles was said to have her son, L. McQueen, strapped into a stroller due to his deep belief that he is, in fact, a real race car and will run at high speeds and in circles when allowed to roam free. Unfortunately for the local population, L. McQueen quickly discovered how to manipulate and disassemble the said stroller, setting himself free. Miss Shambles was further left defenseless because she forgot to bring the "tire taming treats" along with her. L. McQueen is known to sit still for the duration of a cup of gram cracker snacks. Unfortunately, those treats were sitting on the kitchen counter next to the door.
Dr. Fun's office is fully equipped with toys and books galore in an area set apart from the rest of the public in ensure that wild children will be entertained. But apparently, some grown-ups believe the toys are for nervous adult patients so L. McQueen and D. Queen were forced to share the play space with <gasp> grown-ups. However, children and adults were said to have played nicely together with exception of one woman who left to use her cell phone to make an anonymous call.
Miss Patience, the hygienist, came to retrieve N. Shambles and her two children from the play area. With a smile, she reports telling N. Shambles that it will be fine to have both children in the room with her.
A pleasant field trip quickly turned sour as L. McQueen began revving his engines and speeding around the room. Once in the chair, N. Shambles lost all control. L. McQueen is reported to have discovered "by accident" that the big gray pad on the floor with the arrows, controls the dental chair holding his mother. The first time he caused his mother's chair to lower startled him. The second, third and fourth times were believed to be pure entertainment. Only after L. McQueen lowered his mother's head to the point that she was nearly upside down did Miss Patience step in, telling L. McQueen, that "Mommy is going to be standing on her head!" This only served as incentive to L. McQueen. And in his hast to see mommy on her head, he discovered the power switch controlling the dental tools by hopping onto the electrical box. More than once Miss Patience had to ask D. Queen to flip the switch so that her tools could have power.
Not to be outdone by her younger brother, D. Queen decided to finally turn on some magic of her own. Dutifully, she began directing her younger brother...some reported this as coming across as "extreme bossiness". No one really knows what happened next as words began to fly: "Don't touch me!" "No don't touch me!" "Mommy, he's touching me." "No I not!" Ending with D. Queens wild tears as she held her face claiming the race car child had pinched her before speeding off.
N. Shambles reports feeling totally helpless as Miss Patience had 2 tools and hands in her mouth leaving her unable to respond verbally, and unable to respond physically as she lay in the chair with her 8 month pregnant belly and feet high in the air.
Eventually, L. McQueen sped close enough to N. Shambles arms that she was able to latch onto him with what may be described as a death grip. L. McQueen quickly turned on the charm and began licking N. Shambles entire arm. This was quite preferable to the licking of the lamp stand which occurred later in the visit.
At this point, all seemed to be quiet and manageable until Miss Patience pricked N. Shambles gums and she began to bleed. This was too much for D. Queen who began to hide her eyes and whine loudly about not wanting to sit in the chair next. She was deemed inconsolable.
Shambles was delighted to be free from her captivity in the dental chair if for no other reason than to hold L. McQueen down until he ran out of gas. However, D. Queen absolutely refused to sit in the chair because of her deep fear of pain. She began to wail and sob so loudly that doctors and nurses came from other rooms to witness what was assumed to have been pulling of teeth without novacane. Miss Patience stood back saying, "I haven't done anything! She hasn't even sat down yet!" N. Shambles decided to let loose of L. McQueen in effort to subdue D. Queen. L. McQueen wasted no time with his new freedom exploring all the example toothbrushes on the counter.
After prying open D. Queen's tiny, strong little mouth, N. Shambles and Miss Patience were able to successfully polish D. Queen's teeth with strawberry toothpaste. The best part of the experience for D. Queen was the suction straw which she then refused to let loose of and had to be forced to open her mouth.
Dr. Fun, who is apparently a "Child-Whisperer" in his spare time wasted not a moment in calming the children. With his bright peach shirt and rainbow colored bow-tie, he immediately had D. Queen in a fit of giggles and even L. McQueen slowed his pace long enough to offer a view of his own teeth to Dr. Fun. N. Shambles would have hugged Dr. Fun had she not been hunkered down in the corner twitching from exhaustion. Dr. Fun reports that all parties involved had healthy teeth and gums and that the children were even offered new tooth brushes and toys from the treasure box
N. Shambles was said to be mumbling to herself as she left the building. One eye witness reports hearing, "never again. never again. never...never...never..."
We are, however, happy to report that Mrs. N Shambles and children returned home to the farm safely. N. Shambles found comfort in a homemade fruit smoothie and the children were fed a healthy snack as well. There are slight complications in N. Shambles well-being which are due to the mental fog in which she finds herself. For example, she reportedly did not twist the bottom of the blender tightly enough allowing fruit smoothie to ooze into the motor of the blender creating a stench of smoke. Later, N. Shambles reports smoothie falling out of her cup splattering purple smoothie gunk onto the side of D. Queens face. Both females were said to be laughing hysterically. Perhaps to keep from crying. L. McQueen ended our interview with these final words "But that's okay!"
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