Yes, kids do LIVE here.

I've been living in a fantasy world for a few weeks.  It goes a little something like this: my world is perfect. My kids are always clean, and always put away their toys.  Dishes never clutter the sink.  The beds are always made. Even the dog doesn't shed...but if she does, I vacuum the hair immediately.  That sounds lovely doesn't it?  And I've even managed to maintain that facade...for a bit.

The problem is, that creating a perfect front comes at a cost. Here is what I've really experienced:

I'm exhausted. I stay up late to clean up so that I don't have to do it in the morning.

I'm irritable. It may feel good to wake up to a clean house, but when someone spills something I am less than kind.

I'm obsessive. I can't let things go. I keep thinking, "Just one more thing and then I will sit down." Funny thing about that philosophy...I always find exactly one more thing to do.

 The kids are frustrated and bored. They've been forced to watch entirely too much TV while I obsess.


And even after all the "maintaining" that a "good stay at home mom" has done, there are STILL areas that are not up to the standards of others.

I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of putting pressure on myself to live this way. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate a clutter free space. I like not having toys all over the floor and I think it's important for the kids to learn responsibility and pick up after themselves.   But I miss the days of playing in the grass, discovering new bugs in the yard. I miss "finger" painting giant pieces of paper (and the bathroom floor) with our feet.

Someone recently came to my house and made the comment "You can tell kids live here."  To be honest, it ruffled my feathers. I felt a need to explain.  But it dawned on me today as I was vacuuming the hardwood floors (really???) that I'm a people-pleaser.  I'm directing my attention to the standards of other people. My expectations for myself are based on the opinions of others.

But this is all wrong! I need only to live up to the standard of One. Jesus Christ.  And I can assure you that He cares more about the state of my children's hearts than the state of their bedroom. I'm reflecting on the things that I'm teaching their young hearts.  Do I want them to see exhaustion and people-pleasing modeled as a way of life?  Or do I want them to see a life surrendered to Jesus and worshiping him in all that I do? I want to be a reflection of Christ, One who looks not on the outward but the inward.  I want to be and I want my kids to be eternally-minded.  Going only where our Shepherd leads. Doing what HE puts on our to-do lists.

So yes, kids live here. There are stains on the carpeting and upholstery of our car. Construction paper and finger-painted masterpieces decorate my walls.  Toy cars are parked under the couch. Stuffed animals sit on the kitchen floor awaiting adoption from the "pet shop".  And super-heroes bask in the sunlight on the sun-porch floor. Yes, kids live here. They reside here. They learn and discover here. They rest here. They take comfort here. They have adventures here.  They LIVE here.   And, it's my desire that here, in this home, they will experience the wonderful, abundant life that Jesus gives us.

And I wouldn't have it any other way!